FRECKLES By Henry Close Th.M.

FRECKLES

By Henry Close Th.M.

            At eight years old, my niece Laura was (and still is) totally charming, bright, outgoing and playful, with flaming red hair and a face full of freckles. But Laura was very self-conscious about her freckles. At a Thanksgiving gathering, she told me she didn’t like them and wished they would go away.

            I wanted to reassure her that her freckles were in no way a liability – indeed, they were one of the features that made her who she was. But I knew that direct, straightforward reassurances were totally unconvincing. That is what someone is supposed to say!

            Indirect reassurances– such as the use of a story – can be much more effective. I remembered that Milton Erickson would sometimes write letters to children – Such letters can be extremely effective ways to communicate. In dialogues, half of one’s energy goes into listening to what is said; the other half is involved in thinking of a reply.  When reading a letter, however, one can postpone a reply, and thus devote more energy to accepting and understanding. A letter is much less likely to stir up defensiveness.

            The first step in a letter to Laura would be to establish rapport. I needed to let her know that I took her seriously and really understood how terrible freckles can be. Then I could reframe the situation in a positive way.

            I thought of Santa, who symbolizes kindness and love. A letter from Santa could address her concerns in a loving way – but obliquely. Direct reassurance – even from Santa – would lack authenticity.

            I thought of a letter within a letter – one to establish rapport, the other to reframe.

____________

Santa’s Workshop

The North Pole

Novemberdoodle 23½

Dear Laura

            A little girl from Seattle wrote me a most interesting letter, and I wanted to ask your advice about how to answer it. She wrote:

Dear Santa,

          What I want for Christmas is something I don’t want! I mean, I don’t like the freckles on my face. My brother teases me about them and makes me cry.  

           Mom and Dad tell him to cut it out, and he does for a while, but then he teases m again. Sometimes Dad gets really mad and yells at him, but he always teases me again the next day.  

         Please take these freckles off my face, or else take away my mean old brother. I don’t know why anybody has to have freckles. Who invented freckles anyhow???

Love, Cindy

I wrote back that very afternoon. Here is what I said:

Dear Cindy,

            My goodness, it seems that you have a real problem. I know it must feel terrible when your brother teases you – especially when he teases you about the way you look.

          I’m sorry, but I cannot take your freckles away, even if I wanted to – which I don’t. If I took your freckles away, I would have to take away all the freckles in the whole world. Just think how terrible that would be.

            All the stars would disappear, because stars are the sky’s freckles.

            Nobody would ever be able to have lights on their Christmas tree, because those lights are the tree’s freckles. And there wouldn’t be any more specks of light in the ocean at night, because those specks of sight are the ocean’s freckles.

            The world would be much less interesting with all the freckles gone.

            But what I can do is bring you a box of CINNAMON COOKIES for Christmas. Cinnamon is about the same color as freckles, and if you spilled some on your face, nobody would notice.

Love, Santa

            Please tell me, Laura, what else I should tell Cindy.

Love, Santa.

            Cindy hated her freckles, and for good reason.

            Then Santa said that freckles were as beautiful as the stars, lights on a Christmas tree, and specks of light on the ocean at night. This wasn’t me saying this to Laura, it was Santa saying it to Cindy. Santa’s letter also established Laura as a valued authority on freckles.

            At our Christmas gathering, Laura greeted me with an enthusiastic hug, and handed me – with a big smile on her face – her reply to Santa.

Dear Santa,

            Thank you for the note. Anyway, I decided I like my freckles. But I’d like some cinnamon to help Mom cook.  P.S. Tell Cindy that freckles are camoplage (sic). When you play hide and seek, you can hide better. Love, Laura.

Accompanying the letter was a playful drawing of the sky, complete with the moon, a smiling sun, and several stars, with the notation, “Sky freckles are stars.

(From the Journal of Pastoral Care, 2000.)

Commentary

By Eric Greenleaf PhD 

Henry Close charms us, and Laura, with the claim that “stars are the sky’s freckles”. He is circumspect, allowing Laura distance from adult judgements, and asking that she help another little girl with freckles.

Dr Erickson’s case about a kid with freckles can seem to show him brusque and direct, but print doesn’t show Erickson’s tone of love and good humor. The Dr. said to the kid with freckles, “You’re a thief!” and used the same cinnamon-sugar simile as Close does, also with good effect.

Kids are cautious in their trust of adult wisdom or advice, and both Close and Erickson are shrewd and kind enough to help without being too “helpful”.