Modern Relational Problem, Digital and Relational Solution By Angela Zhe Wu, LMFT
The Milton H. Erickson Foundation Newletter Case Report Vol. 43 #2
Modern Relational Problem, Digital and Relational Solution
By Angela Zhe Wu, LMFT
“Mom there is something I want to tell you. All right, this is what I can write right now. My Chinese is getting worse, and I cannot put my thoughts into appropriate Chinese words.”
A.J., a 24-year-old Chinese computer programmer, is talking to me in my Zoom therapy room. He needs help in preparing a Wechat* conversation with his mom in China, who doesn’t speak English.
A.J. came to the U.S. when he was 12 to get an American education. He gradu- ated from college and started to work in Silicon Valley.“My mom has been sending me intrusive messages via Wechat, regarding my fi- nancial decisions and my relationship with my wife. I would like to write her back and set boundaries with her, but my Chinese is getting worse.”
Understanding his background, the emotional and family relations between him and his mother and his needs, I started to guide him toward composing messages to his mom. I asked him what his feelings and emotions were when reading his mom’s messages.
“Angry and annoyed,” he said. “Do you want to sound angry and annoyed when replying to her?” I asked. “No, I know it won’t work. My mom is very forceful and stubborn. I will have to circle around to convey my message to her. Otherwise, she will mercilessly fight back. Normally I am precise, calm, and brief.”
A.J. and I started to use the “sandwich conversation” style to generate different versions of messages that he could send to his mom. He was satisfied with our re- sult, yet still worried. “I have some deeper thoughts to share with her. But now language has become a barrier between my mom and me. Very sad.” “A.J.,” I said, “perhaps we can try Chat GPT. You are the expert.” A.J. seemed to be excited with this idea. He used Chat GPT to do programming. I heard him log into his Chat GPT account and start to input the prompt and context of the conversation.
I looked at the first draft of Chat GPT and read the Chinese draft to him.“It sounds too polite and gentle. It is not me. It’s like a young child. I want it to be polite and firm.” “Is this how you are feeling right now?” I asked. “Yes, I want to be decisive, polite, and assertive.”
A.J. input more prompts to Chat GPT, “precise, assertive, and bullet points.” In seconds, we see the second draft. I read it out loud to him in Chinese.“This one sounds a little bit cold, too business-like.” He declined this version. I asked him to turn inside: “Now A.J., get in touch with the thoughts that you want to share with your mom. Just notice any memories, images, and body sensations that you are having.”
“I’m feeling warmth. Mom is forceful. She offers tough love. I know she loves me, and I deeply care about her.” I noticed A.J.’s eyes were wet at the other end of cyberspace. “Take a moment to feel the warmth, absorb it, even imagine how you want mom to feel when she receives your messages.” A.J. paused. He was quiet. ...
“Perhaps you can tell Chat GPT all the feelings you have toward your mom, then we will see what this A.I. will compose for you.” After a moment, I heard A.J. typing again. In seconds, we have the third script. I read it out loud to him. “This is very good. I will use this one,” he says with a smile.
“Congratulations, now you have a way to talk to your mom. A.J.—You did it.” A.J. thanked me for suggesting this new way to communicate. I tell him, “A.J, it is your work. You did not just give A.I. the prompts, you shared your feelings, let GPT know about both your personalities, introduced your relationship with your mom. Then GPT did the work. It is very similar in human communication: You share deep feelings and thoughts, and words will come to you.”
The session ends here, and I hope A.J.’s conversation with his mom will con- tinue.
*Wechat: the most commonly used social media in China.
*Therapist is English-Chinese bilingual. Client can speak and read Chinese, but not write in Chinese.
Commentary
By Eric Greenleaf PhD
Angela Zhe Wu, an MRI-trained Ericksonian family therapist, knows Chinese language and culture, and computing. She utilizes a young computer programmer’s interest in Chat GPT to compassionately address his mother in a way that highlights his own determined and caring personality. This is subtle and effective family ther- apy. When the root stock is strong, a graft improves the stock and is supported in new, flowering vigor.